Trigger Less, Glimmer More: How to Turn Holiday Stress Into Everyday Joy

Learn how to cope with emotional discomfort by taking charge of your happiness with glimmers.

Around the holidays, powerful emotions lay just beneath the surface—family gatherings spur conflicts, loneliness peaks and self-expectations can become compounded by joyful seasonal messages.

It’s not surprising that 9 out of 10 adults reported increased stress, given that we’re surrounded by sensory stimuli designed to make us feel. Triggers may be conscious or unconscious—something as simple as a familiar fragrance, food or image, might bring back a memory linked to an emotional response. Other times, it may come in the form of an insensitive remark.

While glimmers are mini sparks of joy, triggers are associated with setting off a negative spiral via your nervous system.

In a way though, glimmers are also a type of a trigger but one that releases good vibes. The term is relatively new, originated by clinical social worker Debra Dana in her book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy.

Dana writes” “We’re wired to respond more intensely to negative experiences than equally intense positive ones. We have to actively look for, take notice of, and keep track of these moments, or micro-moments, of safety and connection that are our glimmers. Otherwise they can easily pass right by without our knowing.”

Instead of falling victim to the holiday blues, here are some tips and techniques to get a handle on your negative triggers and enjoy your glimmers.

Recognize Your Triggers

You may wonder, what exactly does a trigger feel like? It can seem like an internal switch being flipped, linked to a heated response. Reactions vary, and often shift your state of mind. Often, you won’t realize that something is a trigger, because it’s all happening so fast.

To help become more aware, psychotherapist and executive coach Babita Spinelli suggests trigger mapping.

How do you do it? It involves reflecting, says Spinelli.

“Think about situations that caused emotional distress or discomfort, especially during the holidays. Write them down in a journal,” she explains. Then break down each situation in a matter of fact way.

“Ask yourself: what happened? Who was involved? What emotions came up (e.g., anger, sadness, anxiety)? What was my reaction?” Spinelli adds.

Afterward, look at your map objectively. Search for patterns and recurring themes. Then, further map it out by asking: “Are certain people, topics or situations repeatedly linked to your reactions?” Spinelli says.

Take time to absorb any insights that surface, write them down and reflect deeper into their origins.

Coping Strategies

“A powerful tool for shifting from being triggered into a more peaceful, joyous state is to envision your ‘triggered self’ (usually a very young, hurt part of the self) as being held by comforting, loving arms,” clinical psychologist, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, author of The Joy of Imperfect Love and host of the Imperfect Love Podcast, says. “When this hurt, triggered self feels seen and soothed, you will often notice a growing sense of peaceful joy, and seeing yourself through a supportive lens helps you process the trigger in a healthy, growth-oriented way.”

Once a trigger has gotten a hold of you, you can choose not to be controlled by it.

Cold water can act like a reset button, according to lead therapist at Clinic Les Alpes and the head of quality, innovation & research Brittany Hunt. By applying cold water to sensitive parts of your skin, like your face, neck and wrists, you help regulate your nervous system rapidly. The sudden temperature change helps “divert your mind from distressing thoughts and decrease physiological arousal,” she explains, allowing you to regain composure and clarity.

Let the Light in With Glimmers

Diffusing a trigger isn’t about shutting off your feelings; it’s important to honor your emotions.

Manly, Spinelli and Hunt, all agree that pausing is an effective way to recalibrate your state of mind. Having time to think, rather than react, helps you choose how to respond. Coupling the pause with deep breathing as a further centering technique can help create inner calm.

Glimmers can act as a pathway to feeling better about yourself—as they set off your nervous system’s rest and reset response. Keep in mind that triggering situations can be draining, says Manly, who recommends giving yourself “steady doses of gentle self-care, [because] the more you feel relaxed and rested, the less likely you are to be reactive in challenging situations.”

If you have certain self-care related glimmers, such as inhaling lavender oil or taking a bubble bath, take note of which those are.

Sprinkle a few glimmers into your day for overall mind-body well-being, and select one to help change your emotional state when negatively triggered.

Hunt suggests a simple visualization exercise to enhance glimmers: Close your eyes and vividly imagine a scene or memory that made you feel content and peaceful. Engage your senses to make it as real as possible. “Practicing this regularly can help you tap into positive feelings more easily throughout the day,” she adds.

Joy as a Daily Practice

Keep a physical “Glimmer List,” and have it handy when you need a boost, suggests Spinelli. Cultivate a habit of clueing into what makes you feel good.

“When you notice the small things that spark a positive emotional response, like a warm cup of hot chocolate,” Spinelli suggests, savor them and notice how you feel. Remember to add these things to your list, no matter how subtle.

“Intention setting can help identify glimmers,” Spinelli says. Set a daily intention to find at least one new glimmer that uplifts you. Maybe it’s slowing down to enjoy a luscious holiday treat, a favorite song or “holiday lights in your neighborhood,” she continues.

Additionally, “Go on a walk with the sole intention of noticing glimmers. Look for small details that catch your attention. As you notice something that feels good, [stop to take in your moment], says Spinelli.

While holidays bring their own set of emotional hurdles to jump through, glimmers offer a natural way to channel your energy in a positive direction. As you become more attuned to your reactions and feelings, these insights will open doors to deeper self-exploration.

No longer being reactive gives you the ability to adjust your behavior according to your wants and needs—allowing you to experience joy on your own terms. Prioritizing feeling good gives you freedom to take charge of your own happiness not only during holidays but every day of the year.