If we based our understanding of relationships on romantic films, we would assume that a healthy relationship is one in which the flame of passion is always burning. However, strong and sustainable relationships are often built more on conscious efforts to connect rather than brief, explosive moments or grand gestures.

How Does Distant Grow

When a couple is feeling distant from one another, the culprit is often neglect of daily demonstrations of affection. We all appreciate and cherish dramatic acts of love and passion, and those grand moments of expression are just as important in a healthy relationship, but when we lose sight of the micro, our relationships begin to experience a disconnect.

What Does a Distant Relationship Look Like

Distance in a relationship can present itself and threaten the longevity of a relationship in several ways. Sometimes, the distance formed in a relationship only produces a general longing for the other person. Other times, the distance can adversely affect how each person acts and communicates within the relationship. To understand if and how distance is operating in your relationship, ask yourself these questions:

  • Have you or your partner stopped sharing feelings and significant parts of your life?
  • Are you no longer making decisions together or planning a future?
  • Is there a significant decrease in the amount or quality of sex?
  • Do you refrain from asking advice from your partner or vice versa?
  • Do you find that you are overly critical of each other?

These changes in a relationship can indicate an unresolved distance. Relationships that fail to reestablish connection are prone to mistrust, betrayal, resentment, or an ultimate end of the union.

rebuilding your relationshipReestablishing Connection

The gap between you and your partner might seem too far to bridge, but re-establishing a connection may not be as difficult as it seems. When attempting to save a relationship, we often attempt to change ourselves to better fit into our partner’s lives, or worse, we demand they change for us. However, the most effective tools actually revolve around noticing, accepting, and respecting each other for who you are.

Chart Your Love Maps

When there is distance in a relationship, the source is often a lack of communication. Everyone prefers to receive love in ways that suit them best. One person might feel loved most when their partner performs small acts of kindness such as taking out the trash. Another person might crave verbal displays of affections. Sit down with your partner and begin charting your love maps. This communication will help determine how to display your love in the love languages you both speak.

Take Time to Appreciate Each Other

When we feel underappreciated regarding the efforts we put into our relationship, we begin to resent our partners. If your partner makes the coffee in the morning, be sure to acknowledge the gesture. You can also make a conscious effort to tell the other person which of their qualities you love most. Reinforcing each other’s goodness, specialness, and desirability assures the relationship is based on a sense of belonging, respect, and care.

Seek Out the Micro Moments of Love

One of the bigger threats to a relationship? Exhaustion, overwhelm, and disappointment in day-to-day exchanges with the one we love. Appreciation and love can be fostered in our daily interactions. Though the interactions are small, they help build a stronger and more consistent connection. For example, take time to snuggle after sex, or greet each other every morning before getting out of bed. These are micro-moments of affection that reinforce your bond. Begin to seek out where and how you can infuse affection into your daily routine.

Distance is a natural occurrence. It happens among many couples in different stages of their relationships. Employ communication, appreciation, and focus on small, meaningful acts to control the drift apart. You and your partner can rekindle the flame between you.

Take the Next Step…

For more information, please take a look at my services page on couples therapy and stay tuned for my next post. Or, contact me now to begin resolving issues connected to low self-esteem. Let’s start determining what’s next for you!

Until the next Opening the Doors post.

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